


Watch Me Unravel

by ImaginationCubed



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Angst with a Happy Ending, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Minor Lance/Lotor (Voltron), Sheith Big Bang 2018, Trans Keith (Voltron), Trans Lance (Voltron)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-26
Updated: 2018-08-26
Packaged: 2019-07-02 19:51:45
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 18,799
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15803433
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ImaginationCubed/pseuds/ImaginationCubed
Summary: After a long few months putting his life back together following the loss of his dad, Keith had finally decided he was ready to handle the stressors of being a student once more, even if it meant he had forever been thrown off his proper track for a four year graduation.If he had known that Shiro, the only friend he had trusted wholeheartedly with every gritty detail of the last few months, was planning to up and leave the school, well, then maybe he would have rethought the decision to even return.





	Watch Me Unravel

The metal key pressed into the old wooden door, and a combat boot pushed it forward as steady fingers kept the key turned to the side. Retracting the small piece of metal, he trudged up the stairs, ignoring the creaks it created with each step. Managing to shoulder the door to his shared room open, he unceremoniously dropped the contents in his hands all over his plush comforter. 

Wait. Bad idea.

Purple eyes flashed over to the other bed in the room. He waited in silence with baited breath as he prepared himself to witness his roommate rise from his beauty sleep and tell him off. Standing for another few moments, body tense alongside the stiffness of the room, his eyes refused to leave the man in question. Then, finally, he let his muscles relax as it became clear that his roommate would not be waking up anytime soon.

Tapping his phone screen, he turned on the flashlight and proceeded to sort out the books and papers that he had sloppily gathered in frustration from his study before leaving the campus library. As he stuck his phone in his mouth to hold it while having access to both hands, he admitted to himself that the idea of straight up carrying all of his belongings when he had a perfectly good backpack on his back was not his best. Most likely, it was nothing but a product of his own internal anger when it came to remembering all the unfortunate work he had still to catch up on.

If Keith had known that he would be overworking himself to this point, he would have probably chosen a different way of handling everything that had happened last semester.

But, nothing could be changed about that now. He was a semester behind, and he had to live with it.

He glanced at the clock,  _ 1:23 am _ . No matter how late he stayed up, Keith still had class in the morning, and watching the minutes tick by would not change that. Logically, he knew it would be best to put the sorting aside for now so he could get a decent amount of sleep before he subjected himself to another day of taking way-too-many classes for one student, a routine he had begun to fondly refer to as self-torture. 

That one was a decision he had regretted as well. As the sun shone through the window the next morning, lighting the room and sucking the remaining sleep from Keith, he questioned just how many things he could have done a bit differently in his life to reach just a  _ slightly _ different end goal before attempting to skew his eyes back shut and wait for his alarm to signal when he should  _ actually _ leave his bed. These were some of the times he truly envied Shiro; the black out curtains in his and Matt’s bedroom must have made late morning sleeping a possible event. Though, he could only judge by the array of naps that he had taken on his friend’s bed last semester. 

To be fair, Shiro’s mattress pad helped him make the decision. The softness of Shiro’s bed in particular had made it much easier to fall under the sandman’s spell. And the fact that the bed in question smelled like Shiro too? That helped. That helped a lot.

The only thing he had yet to experience was being able to actually share that bed with Shiro. Though, he had made sure not to get high hopes about that one.

Dragging himself out of bed, his feet found the plush rug his roommate had insisted on having in their room. Well, more like it was there when Keith had moved in. Before returning to campus for the semester, he had planned out his finances for the next few years. Upon the realization that the cost of on campus housing was out of his price range, he had contacted his freshman year roommate Hunk. Once he had been given the information that Hunk’s off campus house had enough room for one more person, Keith had jumped at the opportunity.

He had not cared that he would be sharing a room. It was not as if it had been his first time doing so. Keith shared a room his freshman year, and it had been fine. In fact, he actually enjoyed it. The constant people presence turned out to be a much needed change, going from a house with just him and his working father to a dorm where people were always coming in and out as if it was a fast food joint had actually helped him learn to start making friends. 

Though one of those friends  _ may _ have been his TA from his required freshman writing course. The same exact TA who he had ended up doing shots with every time someone left a door open while watching  _ The Room _ . The night had left him fuzzy inside, giving him an actual motivation to do well in the course instead of brushing it off. Truthfully, the class had quickly become his favorite and the highlight of his day whenever he had it. And oh, was he happy to have it three times a week instead of twice like the course had originally been scheduled for.

He had gotten along very well with Hunk too. The other male was a bit more social than Keith, but he had always been considerate whenever he was not being invasive. Hunk had always considered Keith’s feelings before inviting people over and kept his side of the room fairly neat. In retrospect, he had probably been the best first roommate Keith could have had. Even when he had caught onto Keith’s little crush on said TA from earlier and had made him tell his feelings to Shiro with the ultimatum of doing  _ all _ of Hunk’s calculus homework for the next month if he did not follow through.

Needless to say, Keith spent a month doing double the work for his calculus two class.

While he did not have any super adverse feelings towards his current roommate, Lance was just not the same type of person Hunk was. Though, that was probably a good thing. Lance should not be Hunk, and Hunk should not be Lance. All he had known about Lance before accepting the invitation to move in a few weeks ago was that him and Hunk had been friends during high school. He had actually met Lance a few times when Hunk had him over. He was never a bad guy, just sometimes way more energetic than Keith cared to keep up with. On the bright side, Lance also kept a neat room and personal hygiene. Keith seemed to always luck out on that part when it came to his roommates, and he was grateful for it.

He stepped into the bathroom to complete his morning routine, only to exit and highly regret his decision of not organizing his papers before he fell asleep. Maybe when he had been a bright-eyed freshman and on the correct track for a four year graduation, he would have let himself linger on what he should have done in hindsight. But, now, what was done was done. If he was not able to stay asleep any longer, there was nothing to do but go back to campus and race with his due date on his next paper.

Sounds that could be a conversation came from the kitchen area. Pidge’s voice traveled through the hallway, words indicating her stress about her current project for her Mobile Computing course while Hunk comforted her. Last Keith had talked to Pidge about it, she had told him that after changing one small thing for something called XML code the app now crashed whenever she tried to run it. To be honest, Pidge’s words often seemed like gibberish, but he knew they meant she was struggling. Though, despite how lost her words made him, he lent an ear when he could, hoping it would help her achieve the grade she wanted. She had worked way too hard on her project for it to stop working now.

“Hunk! Stop touching the phone!”

“I’m just trying to help. You said it’s not working.”

“Yeah, and that doesn’t mean start touching everything. It’s not going to fix it.”

“Well, you don’t know that.”

“You know what we say in computer science, Hunk?”

“Trial and error?”

“Never trust the user. You’re the user, and I don’t trust you.”

“Rude.”

Keith rolled his eyes and turned towards the door before he was roped into engaging. Hunk and Pidge could figure out a solution on their own. It was not that he did not want to converse with his friends. No. It was never that. It was just the fact that, after last semester, a lot of things still really hurt. Sometimes, he really was not up for the interaction. 

They understood though. And it was all Keith could really ask from any of them.

He exited the house as stealthily as possible. Dragging his feet across the concrete pavement of the sidewalks, he started his journey to campus. He internally thanked whichever of his housemates had come up with the idea to rent a house only a few blocks away from the outskirts of the campus. None of them had a car, and he was sure that many of them, mainly Lance and Pidge, would have skipped class in favor of not making the trek to their campus everyday on more than one occasion otherwise.

Fortunately, the day seemed to go by quite uneventful. His time in the library had been peaceful, no distractions or interruptions, and his paper had somehow magically gotten done on time, letting him cross another thing off his to-do list. Lotor, the guy Lance had been on again off again seeing—or just fucking, honestly, Keith was not exactly sure at this point, all he knew was that Lance seeing Lotor meant that sometimes he got the room to himself at night—had called him earlier with some questions about the stats class he was taking, as if Keith was supposed to know the answer. According to him, Lance had painted Keith as some sort of math genius. Just because he was able to do calculus easily and solve Pidge’s linear algebra problems did  _ not _ make him a genius. In fact, he was far from it. He just had an easy time putting together logic, and that’s all math was, logic and right answers, because God help him, if he needed to take one more general education class where there were no right or wrong answers, he was going to scream. There were right answers, there were wrong answers, and it was a good reason to conveniently stick to STEM courses.

Besides that phone call, the day had been pretty routine. He pushed open the bathroom stall door, quickly changing into a tank top and gym shorts before entering the campus gym. Popping his ear buds in, he claimed an elliptical to himself, focusing straight ahead and tuning out the rest of the world. On days that the world was testing him, this was his favorite thing to do, to be able to forget about the rest of the world and just focus in on one task. In fact, it had been Shiro that had taught him to cope this way. Exercise was good for mental health and the body, something that Keith desperately needed to keep in tact after the rest of his life had managed to fall apart. Especially when he had lost an entire semester of classes due to grief. Losing your father in the middle of the semester to a heart attack was not the ideal way to make sure you stayed a functioning college student. Fortunately, today’s workout was nothing but just a habit of routine.

He did two miles of cardio and a round with the weights before he drug himself back onto his feet. His eyes went to his phone for the time. 

_ 4:36pm _ __

There was an hour and a half before the campus event he wanted to attend started. If he went back to his house now, he would never make it back. He knew himself. Leaving now meant leaving campus for the day. He weighed his options, taking his sweaty self into account, and settled on the fact that he  _ needed _ a shower. Home was out. Which left him with two options: showering in the communal gym showers or bugging Shiro to use his. 

Bugging Shiro it was.

Slinging his backpack over his shoulder, he made the trek to Shiro’s on campus apartment, not giving a thought to changing out of his sweat-tainted clothing. He would just be taking it off to shower in a few minutes anyway. Knocking on arrival, it was only a few moments before one of Shiro’s roommates, Rolo, opened the door.

“Hey, Keith.” Rolo greeted him before turning to face towards the inside, cupping his mouth with his right hand and shouting back into the apartment, “Shiro, your boyfriend’s here!”

“Rolo! I told you it’s not like that!”

“I’ll stop calling him that when you convince me otherwise.” Rolo replied as he let Keith inside.

“Come on, Rolo, leave him alone. It’s not Shiro’s fault he only has three friends.” Matt’s voice came from behind the couch in Keith’s line of vision.

“I have more than three friends.” Shiro protested as he came out of his room. The stressed look on his face instantly melted once brown eyes met his, “Hey, Keith.”

“Can I use your shower?”

“Wow, and here I am thinking you came to visit me.” Shiro rolled his eyes lightheartedly. “Yeah. It’s all yours. My shampoo and shower gel too.”

“I don’t know Shiro. I think you should just join him. He might need some help.” Matt joked, still out of Keith’s vision.

“You’re all impossible.” Shiro held his arm out, offering to take Keith’s bag from him. “I have to head out and talk to  _ my advisor _ ,” The words came out with more than a hint of annoyance, “But I’ll be back later. You’re free to stay as long as you want.”

“Thanks. I’m going to the event tonight, but I can hang out afterwards.” Keith assured as he handed over his backpack, “I should get a head start on the book problems today anyway.”

“I’ll see you then.”

Keith felt a smile crawl up onto his face as he waved his friend off. The soft look that caught his eyes got him, just like it had every single time. He scolded his feelings. He needed to get over himself, to remind his brain that his little crush was not meant to go anywhere.

Okay, maybe it was a big crush.

But, that did not matter, because either way, nothing was going to come of it. He had an amazing friendship with Shiro, and it was going to stay that way. If he brought feelings into it, he would do nothing but ruin everything him and Shiro already had together, and the possibility of that hurt more than never having Shiro feel as strongly about him in return. He had lost too many people in his life already. He was not ready to lose Shiro too.

He could push the feelings down, deep inside of him in the same place he had managed to lock away everything else that he was not supposed to feel. Keep them all in the dark as long as they needed before they finally agreed to dissipate into nothingness. Silly feelings were not worth the destruction of the friendship that the two of them had created together. Not in the slightest.

He pushed the thought aside, reminding himself of why he had come to Shiro’s apartment in the first place. Locking himself into the bathroom shared among the the four men in the apartment, he stripped himself of the sweaty fabric covering his body before entering the shower and preparing himself for the event he had planned to stay for. As quickly as the water had gone on, it went off, a new goal entering his head. He dressed himself and retreated into Shiro’s room, counting his blessings that Matt had decided to work on his homework in the living room.

He crawled into the familiar bed, settling into the soft sheets. Pressing his face into the pillow, he let the scent surround him without a complaint. He had a few hours before the event started, ample time to recharge his batteries from the lack of energy he had received from a night of no sleep. Pulling out his phone, he tapped an alarm into the system. Tossing it to his side haphazardly, he let sleep pull him in. And once again, he was just one step away from spending his sleep blissfully the way he had in his unshared thoughts, curled up next to Shiro as they both managed to find a peaceful moment.

He could silently beg for more all he wanted, but he could settle. This was good enough.

This was as good as he was getting.

* * *

“Keith?” The voice entered his ears in his half asleep haze. He turned over to his other side. It was easy enough to ignore. 

“Keith, it’s time to wake up.” The voice came into his senses again. Could no one understand he just needed his sleep for five minutes? He had set an alarm before he dozed off, and Shiro never cared about him using his bed. He was fine.

“Keith, you’re missing the event.” The voice came out a bit more urgent, coupling itself with a gentle shake of his body.

Now  _ that _ got his attention.

He rose without another moment to spare, head off the pillow and blankets falling off his torso. Frantically, he patted the surrounding area of the bed for his missing cell phone, waiting until his hand finally hit something uncharacteristically solid. Bringing it into his vision, he let the time of day sink in, or maybe night was a better descriptor as the sun had set and the only light illuminating the bedroom was from the desk lamp at the foot of Shiro’s bed.

“Fuck!” He threw himself out of the bed without hesitation. “I need to get to that event.”

“Keith, slow down.”

“I don’t have time. I need this for class.”

“Keith—”

“We can hang out later.”

“ _ Keith. _ ”

“What?!” Keith snapped his head toward Shiro as his semi-hostile response left his mouth.

“By the time you get there the event’s going to be more than halfway over. Is it really still worth going to? You won’t get class credit at that point. You might be better off finding something else to go to later.”

“I don’t have time for that! I’m already overloading. I can’t just move everything around to fit something else today.”

“Then why don’t you just go to the next student government meeting? It will count towards the credit you need for the course anyway. Plus, it’s right after your Stats course, so it will be less stressful to get to.”

He pressed his hands onto Shiro’s messed comforter, holding himself up as he fixed his eyes onto the solid color, finally stopping his panicked movements. “Fine.” He took a deep breath before lowering himself onto the wax-coated floor of the school apartment. 

“Would you like to sit on the bed? Unlike what you seem to think, I don’t confine my guests to the floor.”

Lending a hand out to Shiro, he let the bigger man hoist him upright. Retaking his spot on the bed, he turned to meet his friend’s gaze. “You don’t look so good either. What happened this time?”

“Where do I even start? I swear, every time I go into his office for  _ anything _ it’s just a ton of different possible outcomes for the one thing I’m trying to do. One. I just want to do this one thing. That’s it! I don’t need to know the ten million different outcomes of it! If it doesn't work out, I don’t even care anymore because of him. All I want is to work out my plans for graduate programs and see what I’m specializing in. But, no, all I get are the thousands of different things I  _ could _ do. He’s my advisor. He is supposed to me guiding me, not confusing me more.”

“Hey Shiro?”

“Hm?”

“Can you take us on a drive somewhere? We’re both pissed. I don’t think either of us want to be on this campus, and I can’t go back to my house and deal with Lance right now. Especially not if he’s going to be bringing Lotor around. He’s not a bad guy, but everything between them just ends in sex, and I am  _ not _ getting kicked out of my room right now for  _ that _ .”

“I’m in. Let me get the keys from my bag, and we can go. Need anything?”

“I’m fine.”

Shiro rose from the bed and over to the desk by the foot of his bed. Opening the first drawer, he retrieved a set of car keys, complete with a black lionhead keychain Keith had gotten him for his birthday attached to it. He clipped the new objects to his lanyard, combining them with his school keys, before returning to Keith. “My car is in lot Z.”

“Lot  _ Z _ ? Really? How did you manage to end up in lot Z?”

“The same thing we’re about to do now. Leave campus at night and expect there to be parking spots left.”

“Do they really fill up that fast? I know no one wants to walk from Lot Z, but it can’t be that horrible.”

“It really isn’t. Everyone else just complains a lot. I like the walk personally.”

“Glad I was able to find another sane person on this campus.”

“Same here.” The beginnings of a smile crept up on Shiro’s face. “Still coming? Or is the dreaded lot Z too far for you?”

Keith shifted onto his feet. “Tell yourself that so you feel better about being old.”

“I’m only a year older than you.” Shiro pointed out.

“Matt said your bones creak.”

“You’re taking Matt’s word before mine? You have broken me, Keith.” Shiro guided him out the door, waving goodbye to Matt and Rax in the living room as they exited the building. 

“Good.” Keith purposely bumped his side into Shiro’s.

Stepping through the darkness solely illuminated by campus lights and the mini flashlight connected to Shiro’s keys, it was first priority to tread with care around the broken and uneven sections of concrete threatening to injure them. Freshman year, when Keith had lived with Hunk, his roommate had his high school buddy Lance over for the weekend. On the way to the dining hall for a late night snack, the group had not taken much caution for where their feet were landing, resulting in Lance tripping over an uneven piece of sidewalk and spraining his ankle. Needless to say, with Lance’s attitude and the injury combined, it was not Keith’s favorite college memory.

“I take it back. How do you like this walk again? The school probably hasn’t fixed these things since they were established. I feel like there is a disaster waiting to happen.” Keith said, eyes glued to the ground beneath his feet.

“Gives me something else to focus on while I walk. I also usually don’t do this at night, but you’re an exception.”

“I was an exception from the time I ended up in your dorm room taking shots as a freshman.”

“That is… remarkably true.”

“So, is that something you do often?” Keith teased, “Inviting students from the classes you assistant teach to have drinks?”

“Again, you are the exception.”

“Can’t act like you’re so innocent. What was the real goal?” Keith pressed, “Drinking buddy? Sex?”

“No. Actually, well, I did think you were cute.” Shiro admitted, “But, that is  _ not  _ why I invited you over that night, I swear.” He continued on, as if he was attempting to retract his statement.

Keith bumped his body into Shiro’s purposefully, “Wow, look at you, the pinnacle of innocence, inviting over students you think are cute to have drinks.”

“It was not like that, and you know it.” Shiro pushed him back playfully on the bicep, unlocking his truck with a push to his keys. 

“Okay, okay, but it is still nice to know you thought I was cute.” Keith climbed into the passenger seat, waiting for Shiro to enter before getting himself comfortable. “So, anywhere in mind?”

“Nope. Unless you want to go to Walmart and just see what weird knock-offs they have there.”

“Sounds like a plan. Anything to get me some space from this place. I’ve been here all day.”

“All day? Poor you. I just live on campus.”

“Yeah, and you have a car. You can leave whenever you want. I leave and go back to a house with more college kids.”

“I’m aware. I think you forget you live with my roommate’s sister.”

“Oh no, I know that. Doesn’t change the fact you have a car, and I don’t.”

“Now when have I ever told you no when you asked to go somewhere?”

“Checkmate.”

“See, I have your back Keith.” Shiro pressed his keys into the engine, turning them slightly until the truck came to life, headlights illuminating the dark parking lot accompanied only by the blue emergency light at the other end. In retrospect, the people who designed the lot should have realized that pressing an emergency light was not going to help them when they faced off against danger in a secluded part of campus. If anything, the campus police would just arrive  _ after _ the crime was completed instead of stopping it. But, that was not Keith’s decision to think over. If anything were to happen to him, he was confident enough in his self-defense skills to believe he could protect himself. He also kept his father’s switch knife in his pocket at all times. It had been a gift to his father by his mother, a woman that he never had the pleasure of meeting for more than a few moments. If his parents could not be there to protect him, at least they had given him something to protect himself with as a substitution.

“So, how are things at the house?” Shiro inquired, steering his vehicle out of the parking lot and away from the campus as a whole.

“Same stuff as usual. Pidge is overworking herself Hunk cooks a lot for everyone, because he’s stressed, then forgets that he should be doing his schoolwork first, then gets more stressed out, because he procrastinated on his assignments, lather, rinse, repeat. Lance works hard, but he’s been spending a lot of nights at Lotor’s lately. But when he is home, he doesn’t shut up when I’m trying to get work done.”

“It can’t be that bad living with him. He seems nice enough.”

“No, Lance is a nice guy. Just has way too much energy sometimes. He doesn’t know how to stop for a few moments.”

“Sounds like what Matt said Pidge said. Just that he is a lot of fun when you’re not supposed to be doing your work, but has a hard time actually getting work done when he needs to.”

“Pretty much. I was helping him with some calculus based problems the other day. He just can’t pay attention, and I don’t want to be a dick about it, because I know he has an attention issue, but I have other things to be working on too.”

“Makes sense. Are you at least happy there?”

“More or less. Lance is fine to share a room with living style wise. He just needs to give me some space sometimes. But overall he’s fine. I’m just annoyed in general right now. Pidge needs to just stop overworking herself, because she stresses everyone else out when she’s stressed. She just gives off this vibe, and it makes you feel like you  _ need _ to be doing something, and if you’re not, then you find something to do. You can’t just relax when she gets into a work mode from stress. And Hunk is great, but he has been letting other people’s stress get to him lately. He’ll stay up with Lance instead of getting his assignments done and then stress, because he’s behind.”

“Did he do that when you guys were roommates?”

“I guess, but not as much. It’s just frustrating. They’re all smart. They should be able to just get their work done and do well. They shouldn’t have a ton of bullshit to worry about instead of school.”

“And you should?”

“Well, what happened, happened. My dad’s not coming back. I have to learn to live with it.”

“Keith, don’t take this the wrong way, but are you sure you took enough time off?”

“Yeah. I mean, what else was I supposed to do? Leave for a whole year? I would just fuck up my life more. I’m already going to graduate a semester late, because I couldn’t get it together. The last thing I need is to be graduating an entire year late.”

“But if you need the time, you should take it. You will get better grades with a clear head.”

“Don’t you think I know that?” Keith replied, “I was barely getting in assignments, and I was failing all of them anyway before I dropped for the rest of last semester. I couldn’t even get to class. Now, I’m making it to my classes and spending extra time in the library to finish the work I don’t get done at the house. I’m fine.”

“I just don’t like seeing you push yourself so hard. You don’t have to be strong about it if you’re not feeling up to it. I know you two were close. When Ryou died, I was extremely torn up for a very long time. It’s okay if it takes more than a few months to get back on your feet.”

“Look, I’m fine. Really, I am. Besides, I’m too old to be taking breaks in life. I’m on my own for everything now. I just need to deal with it.”

“If you insist. But just please take it into consideration that you are allowed to rest when you need to.”

“Fine.”

The truck pulled into a spot in the tar parking lot, headlights illuminating the otherwise dark area. To the right of them was a line of shopping carts, and to their left, the building that they had consciously decided to drive to on a school night, as if there was nothing left to lose in the end of all of this. Shiro turned his hand and shut off the car, making sure Keith exited before he did.

“I still can’t believe of all places to go we chose a fucking  _ Walmart _ . Wait. Shiro, did you check to see when it closes?”

“No, why?”

“Stores close. The workers go home.”

“No shit, Keith.”

Keith stepped over to the building in question, every light still on inside of the structure and the signature wording above the main doors alive as well. “This place better be open. Otherwise, it’s just mocking us.” He approached the sliding automatic doors, checking that Shiro was still following close behind him before he made his way into the sensor area and watched the doors spring to life, parting to make way for the duo as if they were royalty. 

“See, nothing to worry about.” Shiro said, attempting to point out the fact that he had not taken them to a closed store.

“I wonder if anyone else in your life knows how much you just pretend you have it all together.”

Shiro shrugged nonchalantly. “Oh well, if they do, then they know I’m ready to be mixing energy drinks and alcohol on a daily basis.”

“The bottles literally say to  _ not _ mix them with alcohol!”

“And still Jager Bombs exist, don’t they?”

“That doesn’t make it smart.”

“I didn’t say I was doing it to be smart.”

“Yeah, and if you’re dumb, I’m going to have to come rescue you.”

“I’ll be fine.”

“Oh yeah? What about that time when you drank too much and started puking your guts out on the kitchen floor. Who else was going to take care of you?”

“Matt.”

“Alright, guess you don’t need me anymore. I’ll be over in the camping section when you need me in ten years.” Keith snarked as he feigned walking away from his friend, only to come back after taking a few steps in the opposite direction of Shiro.

“If I didn’t need you, I would not be driving you to Walmart in the middle of the night.”

“Fair enough. Is there anything you actually need from here, or did you just drag me here because you felt like it?”

“I felt like it.”

Keith tilted his head to look up at him, giving his friend half a shrug before walking into the food isle.

“Did  _ you _ need something?”

“No. But I’m here, so I’m going to get it.”

“And that is?” Shiro asked, staying a few steps behind Keith.

“Canned vegetables.” Keith replied, leaning onto his tiptoes as he reached up to attempt to retrieve his object of choice from the shelf above him. Yet, to his disappointment and frustration, his hand fell only inches short of being able to grab it.

“Need some help there?” Shiro teased, grabbing it for him and holding it just out of Keith’s reach, obviously waiting for his friend to give him the few words of admittance to his vertical challenge before he would give it to Keith.

“Try again. I’ll get it myself.” Keith pressed the ball of his foot into the second shelf, lifting himself higher before grabbing the can from the shelf he had previously been unable to obtain.

“Can’t you just let me have this?”

“Nope.”

“Is that everything you planned to get?”

“Yep.”

“Want to go look at the electronics.”

“Sure.” Keith followed his friend through the rest of the aisle, then through another before making it to the back of the store. The large flat screen televisions left the rest of the products seeming as if they were nothing more than mere decorations. Stepping closer, he investigated the price. “Three-hundred dollars for this? What do you think Shiro? We could move in together, and this will be our TV.”

“You barely even watch TV. We might as well just buy a new computer monitor and plug a laptop into it whenever you feel like watching it. Why even pay for cable?”

“Maybe I just want to pretend I could afford nice things in the future.”

“So, you want to show off.”

“Maybe. I think I would rather get myself a physicist husband to show off instead though.”

“And maybe you just might get one.”

“I’ll hold you to that.” He stepped over to the book aisle. Reaching into the neatly put together display, he took one of the books into his hands before showing off the cover to Shiro. “I was talking to Allura about this book. She said it was definitely worth the read if you had time. It’s a coming of age story about a bi boy who’s navigating relationships and sexuality. And guess what.”

“Hit me.”

“It has a happy ending.”

“A gay book with a happy ending? Doesn’t exist.”

“Yet, I’m showing it to you.”

“I won’t believe it until I read it. Don’t believe what you hear and only half of what you see.”

“Well, I hope this isn’t the bad half of what you see.”

“Guess we will find out.”

“Well, are you going to get it?”

“I don’t have time to read it right now, since I’m figuring out grad school stuff. But, I will check it out over the summer, I promise.”

“Well, I will remind you then.”

“Speaking of grad school, I finally have a grasp on what I’m doing.”

“Really?” He turned to face Shiro, tuning in to what his friend was about to say. He could feel the smile tugging at his face, the underlying excitement for Shiro’s plan bubbling to the surface.

“Yep. I got an acceptance from my top school!”

“Congratulations, Shiro! We should go celebrate.”

“I think this is enough of a celebration.”

“No. That was a hard school to get into. You need to celebrate for all the hard work. It wasn’t easy.”

“I think it’s enough of a celebration to just go there.”

“Where is it?”

“Oh, it’s about two hours from here. It’s stunning though. I saw the labs, and they had the most amazing equipment. And the professor I talked to was so passionate about his research. I think I’m going to fit in great there. I—Keith?”

His face fell, purple eyes roaming the floor for something,  _ anything _ to visually latch onto. There was no way Shiro had just said that so casually. He had to of misheard him. Shiro could not of had made such a decision and not even informed him of the details, right? No, he had to ask, to clarify, because he did not just get told what he thought he had, “Two… two hours?”

“Yes. I thought we talked about this. My top school was two hours from here.”

His eyes snapped back up to Shiro’s. “What about our school’s program? They have a masters program here. And it’s good!” Keith countered, sickened with himself at the amount of pleading in the tone of his own words. Why was he arguing this? He should be happy for Shiro, ecstatic that his best friend made his top school, not giving in to irrational anxieties.

“And do what? Spend two more years studying while working with Slav? I think I’ll hate my field before I start working in it if I do that.”

“Do you know how much work it will be to start at a new school?” Keith pointed out selfishly, “You’re going to spend all your time meeting new people and having to learn about your new professors. It’s a better decision to just stay here.”

“Why can’t you just be happy for me?” Shiro replied defensively, “You’ve known I wanted this since I was a sophomore. It’s not like it’s a surprise.”

“Because the decision doesn’t make sense.”

“I’ll already have a degree, and this school has everything I could ever want. It’s been the grad school I have been working for since I got here.”

Keith bit his lip, purple eyes meeting brown ones as he spoke his next words. The world continued on behind them, just as Shiro would continue on without him. Yet, he could not find it in himself to not let the new words out, ashamed of how pathetically weak and quiet they fell from his mouth, “Nothing here could make you stay? Not one thing?”

“I’ve made up my mind.”

“Have you?” Keith asked pointlessly. It was obvious that Shiro had already made his final decision, yet, it was as if hearing the words would solidify the fact that Shiro had a plan for his life, and that plan did not include Keith.

“Yes. I already committed to the school.”

He let the words sink into him, tearing him apart from the inside. It hurt physically, as if someone had reached into his chest and squeezed everything inside as hard as they could. Another moment passed, silent, before he let his eyes rest on the screen of his phone. “Look, I’m tired. I’m going to call an uber.”

“What?” Shiro questioned, “I can just take us back.”

“It’s fine. I’m getting an uber. You can stay here.” He opened the app on his phone, tapping at the screen while his eyes refused to meet Shiro’s.

“Keith, this decision has nothing to do with you. Stop acting like it.”

“I’m not.” Keith replied, attention still glued to his phone.

“Yes, you are.” Shiro’s hand came out to reach for Keith. “Look, why don’t we talk about—”

Keith swatted Shiro’s hand away. “Fuck off. I’m leaving. I’m finding my own way home, and you can do what you want.”

“I can’t live my life around you.”

“And I’m getting an uber home, so you don’t have to.” Keith slipped his phone back into his pocket, wandering to the exit of the store and leaving his previously intended purchases on a random shelf. Stepping through the sliding glass door, he pointedly ignored anything Shiro had tried to say. In the end, it meant nothing. Shiro was just going to leave at the end of the semester anyway. There was no point in trying to keep humoring himself with promises of a life long friendship.

He turned a quick corner, as if he needed to hide. And he did. He needed to hide from Shiro, not let him see how he actually felt about the moment in question. No. He could not let that happen. Not in a million years. If Shiro cared enough to know, he would have asked how Keith felt about the decision. He would have made an effort to say everything would be okay.

When the Uber driver pulled into the Walmart parking lot in a gray Ford Focus, he quickly got in without another thought. He needed to leave. He needed to be away from Shiro. Away from the pathetic dreams he had indulged himself in before this moment. The driver could have dropped him off in the middle of nowhere, and it would have been okay. As long as he would have been alone. It had been stupid of him to ever let someone else so close to him. Everyone left, or everyone died. That was how it always was. He should have accepted it long ago, not try to tell himself things would change, because they never would.

The ride was silent. The only light coming from the illuminated car dashboard and the infrequent street lights on the roads from the store to his house, letting the recent exchange just settle in. Overall, his thoughts became nothing but what ifs and the long list of things he could have done in hindsight. But, maybe that was what this was. He was destined to be repeatedly abandoned and forgotten, only to outlive the only ones who were planning to stay by his side.

He stepped out of the car with a lone thanks to the driver, planting his feet onto the broken sidewalk in front of the house he shared. Pressing the key into the door, he worked the lock open and pushed the door away from him. He prayed no one would be awake, that he would be able to take a hot shower and not have to utter a word to anyone as he did what he could to forget about what just happened.

Stepping upstairs, he made a clear path to his shared room. Light peered out from underneath the wooden door. Of course, he would not get to escape from everyone for the night. No, knowing Lance, he would be interrogated with question after question until his roommate either got answers or became too bored to continue pressing the issue.

He pulled the hood of the sweatshirt he adorned over his head, attempting to mask any off emotions that visibly crossed his face. Turning the brass knob, the door swung open. The light from the room flooded into the darkened hallway until he shut the entrance behind him. Lance remained hunched over his desk, attention focused on whatever papers had been laid out in front of him, his personal lamp illuminating what it could of the shared space. 

“Hey.” Lance greeted, eyes still glued to his assignment, “You’re back late. How was studying with Shiro? Or should I say ‘studying’?” Keith could feel the smirk that had most likely grown on Lance’s face as he spoke the teasing words. It had not been the first time his roommate had made such a comment about his friendship with Shiro, and at this point, it no longer bothered him. It was not as if he had actually ever mentioned his feelings for Shiro to Lance, so in the end, it was nothing but Lance being Lance. But, tonight was  _ not _ the night for jokes. 

“Do you ever mind your own fucking business?”

Lance whipped around, chair spinning to let his body face Keith. “Wow, someone has a stick up his ass.”

“Maybe if you didn’t spend so much time trying to figure out everyone else’s private lives, then you’d pass calculus!” He snapped back harshly.

“Woah, woah, woah. What the hell dude? It was just a joke, chill.” Lance threw his hands up in front of him. “We all know you guys aren’t actually an item. You don’t need to be an ass about it.”

“Fuck. I’m just—sorry. I shouldn’t yell at you.” 

“Yeah. Whatever.” Lance turned back to his work. “Anyway, Pidge said you got a call to pick up your T. You should go do that.”

“Yeah. I’ll get it tomorrow.” He replied, a tone of anger still making it into his words. Stripping himself of the sweatshirt on his body, one quick glance at the material reminded him of what had just happened not too much earlier. Crumpling the fabric as best as he could, he chucked it at the floor, glaring at the belonging he had forgotten was actually Shiro’s.

A sigh escaped Lance. Turning around once more, Lance faced him. “Okay, dude, what’s bugging you? I’m not going to get anything done if you’re having a mini fit over there, so let’s just talk it out real quick, so you can go to bed, and I can finish my homework.”

“It’s nothing.”

Lance folded his arms in front of his chest. “Really? Because throwing Shiro’s sweatshirt on the floor doesn’t look like nothing.”

“I said I’m fine.” 

“Okay, but you’re not.” Lance stood from his chair and picked up the article of clothing Keith had assigned to the floor. “And if you’re trying to get rid of Shiro’s clothes, I think you’ll end up purging half your sweatshirts.”

“Can you stop? I don’t want to think about him right now.” Feeling the back of his legs touch his bed, he let himself fall back against his mattress, messed comforter surrounding him. The initial anger began to fade, leaving him with nothing but a sinking feeling of guilt and abandonment. He had no right to feel this way. It was Shiro’s life after all, and it was not as if Shiro owed Keith anything. All he had done was go off on Shiro because of his own stupid emotions, telling Shiro how wrong he was for daring to do something that would make him happy. Shiro deserved better, so much better than Keith could ever give him. In all honesty, he was nothing but a horrible friend who had put his own wants in front of Shiro’s. Pushing his hands into his face, he let his next words be muffled, “I’m so pathetic.”

“Okay, no. We’re not going to talk like that.” Lance shut down the current direction of the conversation, “I’m guessing something happened between you guys? Did he go on a date or something?”

“We are not a thing, you jackass!” 

“Woah, woah, I didn’t say that, okay?”

“Then why do you think that would even matter?”

“Look, I like guys, but I don’t wear my guy friends’ clothes all the time. I’m not going to make any assumptions, but it’s not completely out of left field to think that someone else getting that close with Shiro might hurt in some way?”

“You wouldn’t understand my friendship with him at all.” 

“I’m just trying to help, alright? You don’t have to be a dick.”

He grabbed his pillow from the head of his bed, pushing it over his face.

“Okay, okay, can you just... tell me what happened? Did he piss you off or something?”

“No.” He moaned the words into the pillow before removing it from his face.

“Then what?”

“He got into his dream school.”

Lance quirked an eyebrow. “Isn’t… isn’t that supposed to be a good thing?”

“Yes…” 

“So then why all upset about it? You always seemed pretty set on trying to make him happy.”

“It’s two hours away from here.” He focused his eyes onto the ceiling of their shared room as he spoke, pretending that he could keep the emotions running through him at bay if he just refused to pay attention to them.

“There it is.”

"Shut up."

"Look, I'm not going to say I understand whatever it is that you and Shiro have, 'cause for real, it's kinda confusing me, but he's not the type of person to just up and leave his friends."

"How are you so calm that everyone's graduating? Are you and Lotor a thing or something? Doesn't that make you upset?"

"Yeah, no. We're really not? At least I don't think so—I hope we aren't—did you think we were?" Lance questioned.

"You go over to his apartment all the time and then stay overnight." Keith pointed out, "You come back with hickeys and half drunk sometimes too. Of course I thought you guys were a thing."

"Oh yeah, nah. We're just fucking. I don't think I could actually be with him like that. Oh god, we'd kill each other."

"But you're fucking him?"

"We both have a lot of stress from school, and we're lowkey always pissing each other off, so it works?" Lance shrugged. "I don't know. It just works, and the sex is good, so I don't question it?"

"How? How are you just so easy going about all of that?" Keith pushed his hands into his face before running them down the skin there. "Shiro doesn't even owe me anything. I'm just here, refusing to accept that everyone is just going to leave me no matter what I do. I should stop trying."

 "Keith, I know you're still upset about your dad and stuff, but if he was alive, you know he'd still be doing everything he could to be in your life."

"Doesn't change the fact that my mom just left me like I was nothing to her."

"And just because one person is like that, doesn't mean everyone else will be. I'm going to be real with you. If this is all because Shiro is leaving for another school, then you should just talk to him about it. It's not going to get any better if you pretend none of this is happening."

"It's not that easy. Not everyone is like you. Not everyone has a huge family that's always there for each other and never has to worry about whether or not you will have to wake up to another person trying to abandon you."

"Again, I don't know how whatever you have with Shiro works, and I won't say I understand. But, if you don't talk then it'll get worse, and you'll actually lose him. He can't read your mind."

Keith let out a loud sigh. "I'm going to lose him anyway. I know it."

"If he's been around since your freshman year, and he gives you his clothes, then he's not going anywhere." Lance glanced at the clock in the room. "Besides, I only give my clothes to someone I'm interested in, if you know what I'm saying."

"It's not like that, Lance." Keith said sternly.

"Do you want it to be?"

His head snapped up at Lance's words. "What?"

"Do you want him to like you like that?"

"I—yes, I mean no. I—I want—Fuck. Wait! That's not your business anyway!"

"Well," Lance crossed his arms across his chest, a smug smile making home on his face. "I think I got my answer. I mean, it's not like I've never had a crush before. And everyone on campus knows I'm the master of romance."

"You're anything but."

"Hey, hey, no need to take out your anger on me. I've got to get back to my homework. So, all I'm gonna say is that if you actually like him like that, then you need to tell him before he graduates. How you do it is up to you, but it's going to eat at you forever if you don't let him know and he leaves the school. Especially if you let this change tear apart your friendship."

"Wow... you actually have good advice for once."

"Hey, what is that supposed to mean?" Lance replied, hand coming over his chest in mock offense.

"Just go finish your homework."

"Yeah..." Lance drug out the word before continuing his sentence, "about that... I could use some help. It's calculus."

"Let me shower first, and I'll be right there."

* * *

Of course, he had to be this way. Doing nothing but chasing away the few people he dared to let in. He could not just be normal, could he? If he mentioned anything to Shiro, it would probably just ruin things between them further. Lance had a point when he said that the information was something that Shiro  _ should _ know, but at this rate, it was not as if Shiro would want to hear him anyway. It was not as if the two of them had talked since Keith had wrongfully blown up at him because of his own stupid, stupid emotions either. In fact, he had been the one to ignore Shiro's messages the next morning.

Push them away before they had the opportunity to do the same to you. That was what he had managed to teach himself as a kid. The only way he had been able to attempt to spare his feelings from everything the world had thrown at him. An absent mother, a dead father, and now a moving best friend. It was a pattern. He was not dumb. He could see it forming. Even if Shiro was not going to leave him initially, he was mostly likely going to have some reason that he would in the future. It was best for them both to just cut ties now.

The screen on the treadmill signaled that he had completed the next mile. He shut off the machine, stepping off and taking a drink from his water bottle. Letting himself take a moment, he forced himself to at least try and catch his breath. In retrospect, he had most likely pushed himself much harder than he should have, though it was not as if it mattered to him at all. And anyone it would have mattered to would probably not be in his life within the next year. Things just seemed to work that way for him.

If anything, at least the intense workout had given him something else to focus on.

He made his way to the communal showers. Double checking to make sure that he was alone in the area first, he hopped in to bathe. His skin crawled as he touched the communal showers the campus gym offered. While, yes, they were better than no shower, the idea of how many people had used the facilities verses how often they got a thorough cleaning was not a promising ratio to ponder.

Reaching for his towel, he froze. The realization hit him. This was not his towel. It had been one that Shiro had left at his house, and Keith had cleaned for him. The other man had never gotten around to retrieving it, and Keith could not say he had not used it a few times without lying. But, of course, this was the day of all days that that had been the towel he had packed with him. The gray fabric taunted him, reminding him of just how unfortunate of a person he really was. Each fiber was nothing but an unpleasant memento of what he had only days before.

He zipped up his bag. He could shower at home with his own towel.

* * *

He sat in the study room, no natural light managing to make its way to him. It was as if it was finals week once more in his life. Late night, bags under his eyes that he could physically feel, and the clock on the wall ticking its way through another hour. Pidge sat across from him at the dark wooden table, occupying the only comfy chair the room offered, leaving Keith to sit in a poorly made wooden one. Sometimes, he genuinely wondered where his tuition dollars were going. With the amount he was paying to attend the school, they surely should have been able to afford a few more cushioned chairs. Though, it was not a thought for the moment as his schoolwork was mentally instructed to be his main priority.

His study buddy for the night was not much of a conversationalist, stuck with her face glued to her computer screen. The bags under her amber eyes most likely matched the ones on his own face, though Pidge had always been very well known between the four housemates for barely resting, so maybe the symptoms of sleep deprivation no longer applied to her. In all fairness, it was not completely out of left field to assume that her worsening eyes could possibly be due to the heavy screen time that her pupils endured. Or maybe her bad eyes were just genetic. Matt had bad eyesight too, despite switching to contacts within the last year. The switch had come after a night where Keith had slept over in Shiro’s apartment after a night of drinking, and Matt had been unable to find his glasses. Matt had needed not only to lean in to see everything but also to squint to read, solidifying the idea that he had bounced around with the two other men in question.

It was lonely. If it had been any other normal night, he would have been sitting in Shiro’s apartment right now, cuddled up in in one of Shiro’s sweatshirts as he crammed for the test that was coming up tomorrow morning. Yet, of course, he could no longer do that. Shiro was not meant to stay in his life. All he could do at this point was spend his time cooped up in the library, preparing himself for the walk back to his house when he was done. Unless, he decided to sleep in the library. Maybe that was a better option.

He pushed the textbook closed, focusing his tired purple eyes on the front design as he silently scolded himself for not pursuing art. At least he would have been able to spend all this time in a studio instead. But, no, he just had to pass up his actual passion in life to study STEM. Pulling out his phone, he glanced at the time, then at his friend. She had managed to stay in the exact same position as before, only her hands making any movement. The sounds of the keys being pressed into the keyboard were the only thing that remained in the room as the air conditioning shut off, leaving them in an uncomfortable silence.

Reaching into his pocket, he popped his earphones in, pressing shuffle on his iTunes library. A year ago, he would have used Spotify, but even with the student discount that was offered, the extra cost was not something he was able to afford at the moment. If it was between a music streaming service and being able to eat more food for the week, food won. Sure, he  _ could _ just use Spotify without the subscription, but he was not too thrilled about running up his data costs for trying to listen to music on his walks to and from campus when he no longer had WiFi to use.

He tapped the top of his screen and drug his thumb down revealing his notifications. He browsed through them absentmindedly. It was not as if he was going to get anything else done for the night. He skimmed the texts presented to him: a few from classmates hoping for answers that he was not about to provide, one from Lance letting him know he would be spending the night at Lotor’s apartment, and—oh.

He had not deleted the notification yet.

The message was long, enough so that he could not preview it in its entirety, so there it had sat, untouched. The name above it mocked him. The bold print reminding him of everything that he had single handedly ruined in one night. 

He was a horrible person, really, unable to accept his best friend moving for something that would make him infinitely happier than any life here could. Instead, all he had done was lash out in his own anger at the world, pushing the blame wrongfully onto Shiro.

Maybe if he had been a better person, he would be studying with Shiro right now. He would have had been able to spend this last semester with him, and just maybe feel Shiro’s arm around his shoulders a few more times, just enough so he could imprint it into his memory. Enough to give him a small taste of everything that he would never end up having in his life. Shiro would probably move on, meet someone better than Keith, someone who was able to actually give him their unconditional support. Maybe he would get married, find someone who made him happy enough to plan a life with them.

If Keith was lucky enough, maybe he would get an invitation to the wedding. But, at the rate he was going, it seemed far fetched that he would have any friends at all by the time graduation rolled around.

He breathed out a sigh. It was probably for the best. Everyone eventually left him. His own mother did not want to stick around. What had gotten into his head that he thought Shiro would ever see him as anything other than a mess of a person that needed a shoulder to lean on for a bit?

Maybe it was not just the false thoughts his brain liked to make on occasion. There was probably a basis in reality this time. He should have expected Shiro leaving him after graduation. What they had was probably no more special than the bond he had with his roommates. It was a thought he just needed to cover his mouth and force himself to swallow. 

Even if it left him with an incredible, undying pain in his chest.

He stood from the table the two had been claiming as their own. Tapping his friend’s shoulder to grab her attention, he informed her of his next course of action, “I’m going to take a few laps around the track.”

“Mhm.” Pidge hummed back, quite obviously paying absolutely no attention to what Keith had said in the slightest.

It did not matter. He would just text her later when she realized he had left the room.

He shrugged on his jacket, one of the few that he had found in his closet that did not belong to Shiro, and exited the study area. Descending the stairs of building, he pushed the double doors open, exposing himself to the real air of the season. Despite the recent progression into Spring, it was almost as if they had actually not made it far into the season. A breeze nipped at the vulnerable skin his clothes did not shield. He paid no mind to it. He would be able to warm up as soon as he made his way to the track.

Gazing upwards, his sight caught glimpses of the clear night sky. The lack of light pollution gave him an impressive view of the stars that littered the space above him. It was truly amazing, and in another life, he would have set his goals on visiting the universe himself first hand. But, that was not this life.

A sudden sinking feeling entered him. Every night where he had curled up with Shiro on the bed on his pick up truck came flooding back to him in waves. Every time they had surrounded themselves in blankets and focused on nothing but the silence around them and how beautiful space really was came to him so vividly. All the times he had had himself close enough to feel the heat coming off Shiro’s body, the times he had gotten the chance to lose himself in Shiro’s eyes, and the face that was nothing but a look of wonder at how amazing the physics behind stars really was, it only drug him back down, reminding him that he had lost himself in a man that would never feel the same way about him.

He inhaled, letting his mind tune out everything but the feeling of his chest expanding and deflating. He just needed to get through the semester. Then he would be free to figure out the rest of his life on his own.

His feet stopped in front of a black chain link fence. Taking a quick look at the gate, it was easy to notice that there was no way he would be getting into the area legally. Lucky for him, he could not give any less of a shit about trespassing on property that he paid tuition to maintain. Pressing his foot into an empty space in the intertwined metal, he hoisted himself up and over the barrier meant to keep him out. He hopped down, planting his feet onto the red rubber as he made his landing.

The track and field were nothing but a deserted and dark mess. Perfect for him to disappear into for a bit. As long as he had not made too much noise, there was no way he would be spotted. He took one last glance around before preparing himself with a few minor stretches on the outermost lane. Sitting himself down, he extended a leg and reached forward for it, securing a hand onto it.

A small shuffle entered into his ears, bringing him up to a ridged position, leg out and back completely straight. He scanned the area for the culprit, purple eyes following a figure that only came clear into his vision as it approached. He prepared himself to stay completely still, unmoving in hopes that the other person he had been sharing the space with unknowingly would stay in the dark about his presence. 

Each footstep made it closer and closer, increasing in volume with each stride towards his section of the track. The figure was very obviously male, someone with broad shoulders and a muscular build. As his company for the night crossed by him, his features only became more apparent. It was dark, but he knew who he was looking at well enough to know that it was unmistakably  _ him _ . 

Was he alright? It was the middle of the night. What reason did he have to be running laps like this? His apartment was on the other side of the campus. Would he be okay getting back?  _ Would _ he be going back tonight? He was probably upset. It was probably best that Keith at least ask, right? 

No. He could not do that. He would just make it worse that way. Shiro probably did not want to see him at all. He had messed that up himself. His eyes followed Shiro for a little longer, watching how he stayed so focused, gaze ahead and unmoving. It was as if he needed to runaway from an issue, but no matter what, it followed and would only be there when he stopped.

Purple eyes dropped to the red rubbed beneath him. He could not stay here. Shiro would only get more upset once he realized that Keith had been occupying the space as well. It was best if he left while Shiro was half a track away. Standing up, he pulled himself over the fence once more. 

This place, this activity, it was Shiro’s, not his.

* * *

“Sorry, you have no meal swipes left.” The young lady at the register informed him, handing Keith back his plastic college ID.

“No. You’re wrong. Can you check again?” Keith requested, “I have to still have  _ something _ left.”

She breathed a sigh of annoyance before taking the plastic from Keith’s hand and swiping it through the electronic register once more. “Yeah, sorry. There’s nothing left.”

“Fuck.” Keith pushed his fingers through his hair, bangs falling back onto his face once his hands left his face. “Fuck, fuck, fuck.”

“I’ll take those and put them back for you.” The cashier pulled the small clear containers of vegetables closer to her, waving Keith off as she did so.

Shoving his wallet back into his backpack, he made a pathway for his next class. It was fine. He would just survive the rest of the semester on what he could cook for himself. Running out of meal swipes had been a bad decision on his part anyway. He had spent too much time on campus this semester. He would just have to cook more often in the early weeks this coming fall. 

Of course that line just had to of taken all his spare time between classes for ultimately no result. Now, he was just going to be late  _ and _ hungry for the next hour. Rushing out of the on campus convenience store, he pushed the door to the building’s exit. Reaching for the handle to the second one, it was suddenly pulled from his reach, the glass no longer blocking him from going outside.

Glancing up, he made visual contact with a pair of familiar brown eyes. Without even a second to process the interaction, he knew exactly who he was looking at. Dark bags came under the gaze that stared back at him, a look of exhaustion taking over his face that did not do him any favors. Had he been sleeping? Had he rested at all? A wave of concern washed over him as the realization of the other man’s appearance sunk in. But, he could not say a word. That was no longer his place.

He turned his head, quickly breaking any eye contact that had been made in the seconds that they had seen each other. Stepping past him, he remade his path for his class, refusing to let himself get distracted once more. He had to get to class. Shiro would not want to have Keith keep him from whatever he needed to accomplish right now.

Something came around his wrist, gently pulling him back from the few steps he had taken. “Keith…”

“Look, I have class.” Keith let the words leave him before another thought could pass through his mind. If he was to do anything, he needed to just keep the wall up. He knew how easily he would break for Shiro, and he could not let that happen, lest he be sent back down into another mess of loathing and heartbreak.

“Can you just hear me out?”

He stood still, eyes refusing to meet his friend’s as he complied with the request.

“Why haven’t you answered any of my messages?”

“I know I fucked up. You don’t have to pretend you still want me hanging around you.”

“Is...Is that what you think?” Shiro asked, “That I’m mad at you?”

“What else would you be?”

“Missing you.” When Keith did not respond, Shiro continued, “I haven’t seen you in ages, and we used to spend almost every night together. I just want things to be how they were before this fight.”

Keith turned his head, replacing what Shiro could see of his face with only his cheek. “Well, we can’t.”

“What? Why not?”

“Because you’re leaving next month anyway. There’s no point.”

“Keith…”

“Look, is there anything else you have to say to me? Because I need to get to class.”

Shiro took Keith’s hand into his own, gently holding Keith’s fingers with his and watching as his friend’s gaze meet his once more, “Please.” He turned his head away, eyes no longer meeting Keith’s. “Just, let me talk to you. It doesn’t have to be now.”

“I… Fine.” Keith resigned, “Just—just text me. I need to go.”

* * *

Keith pulled out one sweatshirt after another from his closet, letting the fabric fall against his bed in a pile as he tossed them behind himself. “Lance, can you grab me a garbage bag from the kitchen?”

“Nope. Pidge is in there. Love her to death, but she’s working on a really big project, and she’s going to say anything I do is annoying and distracting.”

“This is our house too.”

“Then you go do it.”

“I’m busy getting ready to see Shiro.”

“By putting all his sweatshirts in a garbage bag?”

“Yeah. If this goes bad then I can just give these all back to him.”

“You sound like you’re trying to save a relationship.”

“Shut up.”

“Wow. Geez. No need for an attitude.”

“Fuck. Sorry.”

“Are you really that nervous?”

“Yeah.”

“Wanna talk about it?”

“Not really.”

“Look, Shiro wouldn’t be taking you out if he was just planning on dropping you as a friend.”

“You’re making it sound like a date. It’s not.”

“Yeah, yeah. But, you can’t say you don’t want it to be.”

“Leave it alone. It’s never going to happen. He doesn’t like me back.”

“And that’s why he let you have  _ that _ many of his sweatshirts? Keith, I think that’s a mountain now. You should name it.”

“Or I could not.”

“You’re no fun.”

“Shouldn’t you be sucking Lotor’s dick or something?”

“Nah. He’s studying for a lab practical tonight. I’m hanging here with Hunk and Pidge.”

“If she ever puts that project down.”

Lance threw his head back as he let out a laugh. “You’re not wrong. Anyway, need help getting ready for your date?”

“It’s not a date.”

“Yeah, yeah.” Lance waved his hand dismissively at Keith. “Anyway, need help? You’re a fashion disaster, and you know it.”

“Fuck off. I can dress myself. You’re not my parent.”

“Well, I’m only letting you leave this room if you get the Lance seal of approval on your outfit.”

“Piss off.”

“Nope. Not happening.”

“You’re impossible.”

“I try.”

Rummaging through his drawers, Keith pulled out a plain black t-shirt and jeans. Undressing himself to his boxers, he clothed himself with the new fabrics, glancing at himself in the door mirror he shared with Lance. Shifting through the few clothes that remained in his closet after his recent purge, he pulled a red flannel from a hanger. He shrugged the material on and glanced in the mirror once more.

“Still saying it’s not a date?”

“It’s not.”

“You’re just checking yourself out a whole lot for something that’s not a date, just saying.”

Keith picked up his pillow from his bed and chucked it over at his roommate. 

“Okay, okay, I’ll stop.”

“Good.” He pushed out the few stray winkles in the fabric and checked his image again. “Hey, Lance.”

“Yeah?”

“Do you have an iron?”

“Oh! Yeah! It’s in the laundry room. Actually, if you’re headed down there, can you grab my black binder? I hung it to dry last night.”

“Yeah, sure.” Quickly yanking the flannel off his body, he started the trek downstairs. He turned the corner and entered the laundry room. Pulling down the ironing board from the wall, he hurriedly pressed the hot object over his chosen outfit. Shrugging it back onto himself, he grabbed Lance’s chest binder from the makeshift clothes hanger and moved to hurry back upstairs. Quickly giving Pidge and Hunk an acknowledging wave to their location at the kitchen table, he yanked a stray garbage bag from the drawer in the room. Peering over the window above the sink, a pair of headlights came into his vision. An extra few moments, and the car was instantly recognizable. Shiro. Shiro was here.

Shiro was here, and he was not ready.

Sprinting back to his room with loud, thunderous footsteps, he tossed Lance’s binder at him and scooped all of Shiro’s sweatshirts into the bag he had just retrieved. He stepped in front of the mirror once more for the night, brushing off imaginary dust from his clothes and scanning himself for miniscule details that just might be out of place. 

“You good?”

“Shiro’s here.”

“Then go meet him outside.”

“But, but what if I’m giving off a bad impression? What if this is how he’s going to decide if we should still be friends? What if this is really the last time, and this is how he is going to remember me? What—”

“Keith. Chill. It’s going to be fine. Shiro wants to see you. I promise. And if he was hanging out with you when you made it all around campus in sweatpants, then he’ll want to see you dressed like this. If your fashion sense had been the make or break, then he wouldn’t be here now.”

“Okay, okay, I’ll go out there. Do I look okay?”

“You look great. You get the Lance seal of approval. Go get your man, Keith.”

Keith gave him a soft smile before turning and exiting first his room, then the house. The streetlights barely illuminated the sidewalk connected to the building, letting him focus on not breaking his ankle with a nice fall due to broken concrete. The familiar pick up truck sat outside, humming lowly as he made his way closer. Pulling the metal handle of the door, he tugged it towards him, glancing at his friend’s face as if he was looking for permission to enter. When the vibe of the situation gave him the feeling that he was welcome, he stepped into the passenger side of the pickup truck. 

“Hey.” Shiro greeted simply, “You, um, you look nice.”

He bit his lip, purple eyes shifting down, then up and roaming over Shiro’s body. He was clad in a white shirt that almost stretched snuggly across his chest, blue jeans, and a leather jacket to top it off. The outfit seemed as if it would be a more plain choice compared to what some others might have as an ensemble of their clothing for the day, but for those close to Shiro, it was just a tad  _ more _ than that. Just enough that it put the energy of the situation into a new place, one Keith could not completely place. He let his eyes graze over Shiro’s form once more. His tongue licking across his bottom lip, and it clicked into place.

Shiro was dressing up. For him.

Shiro was dressing up for  _ him _ .

No. No, that was wrong. There was no way Shiro was all dressed up just for him. No, it was just Keith’s own longing brain that was twisting everything Shiro did to be about him all over his stupid crush. Shiro probably just came from seeing other people, or a professor. Maybe he had met with a group for a project in one of his classes or was planning to head to a party once he got rid of Keith for the night. That had to be it. There was no way Shiro was stepping it up just for him. He did not mean that much to him. 

And here he was, dressed in worn out denim and a thrift store flanel. Even if Shiro  _ had _ dressed up for him, all he had done was show Shiro that he did not feel the same way about this meetup, that he did not take it seriously or care enough. If he had a chance, even a slim one with Shiro, it was definitely gone now. 

He breathed a sigh. Leaning his head onto the window, he rested his chin on his palm and waited for Shiro to drive. There was no way he was going to come out of this night without negative emotions.

“Are you okay?”

“Yeah. Just… yeah. I’m okay.”

“...I brought a bunch of pillows and blankets. I thought we could drive about a half hour away from here and go stargazing.” When a few seconds passed without a reply, Shiro quickly added to his sentence, “Would you like that?”

“Hm? Yeah.”

Shiro opened his mouth to speak, then closed it without a word. He shifted the truck into drive, starting on their journey. 

The outside passed them in a blur, silence filling the space between them, as if it was almost pushing them out of the places they were supposed to be occupying. It was uncomfortable, as if it was not supposed to be there, making him unable to move freely. Pushing the button on the car door, Keith rolled down the glass that kept him away from the outside, taking in the fresh air as if it kept him from suffocating in his own personal space.

Could he move his hand over? Shiro had both hands on the wheel, but he could touch his arm, right? Or maybe rest a hand on his thigh? Or would that be too much? Shiro had rested his hand on Keith’s legs before, but that had been before it had been established that Shiro would not be around in a few months. Still, part of him craved nothing more than to touch his friend, the leather jacket and tight t-shirt look not helping the impulse fade in the slightest. Purple eyes glanced over quickly before retreating back to the view outside the truck. There were a lot of ways he wanted to put his hands on the other man, but he would be lucky if he even got to touch his arm throughout this night.

Keith inhaled sharply as a hand landed on his upper thigh. Before the action had fully sunk into Keith’s brain, Shiro spoke, “I’d like to apologize; if you’d accept it?” 

“There’s nothing for you to apologize for. I was the one who fucked up. If anyone should apologize, it’s me.”

“No. I should have communicated more with you about everything. I know you’re not in the best part of your life right now, and I should’ve thought about that before springing this news on you.”

“No. I should be able to be happy for you. This was what you wanted so badly, and I knew it. But I’m a bad person, and I can’t accept that you shouldn’t live your life around me. I’m sorry for expecting you to want to stay here. I know Slav drives you crazy, and you would be happier at your new school. I want you to know that I’m happy for you. I want to see you be happy.”

“Please don’t assume this was an easy decision. I’m going to miss you a lot.”

“Look, it’s fine. People leave a lot. I’m used to it. I’ll be okay.”

“We’ll still be able to talk. It’s only a few hours away.”

A silence fell between them once again. “No music?”

“No. I was hoping I’d get to hear you instead of just drowning everything out tonight.”

“Can we just focus on hanging out tonight? We can figure out all the logical stuff later. I just want to not think about stuff tonight.”

“Oh, sure. That’s fine. So… how have you been?”

“Pretty shitty. But I’m alive.”

“Well, I hope the stargazing helps.”

“You help.”

Shiro’s lips curled upwards into a smile, his brown eyes softening at the words. “Yeah. You always help me with that too.” His right hand left Keith’s thigh as the truck came to a stop. Shifting it into park, he turned his keys and shut off the engine, leaving the two of them to bask in the silence of the night with nothing but each other for company. “Sit tight. I’ll set up the blankets.”

“I can help, you know.” 

“And if I want to do it all for you?”

“I’d say that I’m capable of taking care of my own needs.”

“All of them?”

Keith bit his lip before replying, “Maybe there  _ is _ one you could help with.”

“Just stay, alright?” Shiro said with the same soft smile from earlier, “It'll be easier for one of us to set up.”

“That’s a lie. But I’ll pretend I believe you.”

“That’s all I ask.”  Shiro hopped out of the driver’s seat, following the action by opening up the back door and retrieving blankets and some pillows, retreating to the bed of the truck. Minutes later, he reappeared in front of the passenger door, not wasting any time scooping Keith out of the chair he had been sitting in.

“Hey! Put me down!”

“No.”

“Asshole.”

“I’m flattered.”

With a small roll of his eyes, Keith hooked his left arm around Shiro’s neck, helping to support his weight. He let himself lean into the muscular chest next to him, reveling in the new contact he had been blessed with. Pressing a hand to Shiro’s chest, he feigned a need for more balance, though in reality, it was nothing more than giving in to the impulses he had been having all night. And for the last few years. He took his opportunity to slide his hand over more unexplored territory as Shiro deposited him onto the bed of the truck, making sure he landed in the softest part of the set up.

Did Shiro do that all to get close to him? No. He needed to give that up. Shiro did not like him the same way. He was just being playful, because the end of the semester was stressful. He needed to accept that, not try and twist everything to fit his many fantasies into reality. 

Shiro pulled himself up onto the metal of his vehicle. Scooting over, he made himself his own space in the blanket nest he haphazardly created for them not too much earlier. Shifting in place, he found a more comfortable position, left arm making contact with Keith’s right. 

Was Shiro getting closer to him on purpose? Did he want the same contact Keith had been longing for so much? No, if Shiro had wanted such a thing, he would have put his arm around him, pulling him close like he had when they had drinks together a few nights before they had fought at Walmart. He mentally slapped himself. If anything was going to ruin them further, it would be Keith projecting his stupid fucking crush onto every little action Shiro did.

Letting out a sigh, he sunk into his mess of pillows and blankets, moving from his sitting position to lay onto the plush feeling under him. He refocused his attention onto the sight above him. The stars above them shown bright, a reminder that the universe was infinite. It continued on, further than what the two of them could see. It was intimidating, but also humbling. Compared to what was out there, he was so small, his problems were so small, there was a whole universe out there, and he was only a speck in it.

The hum of the different wildlife who called the area home carried throughout the area around them, only the sounds of their soft breathing joining in. Time seemed to still, nothing and no one could bother them in the moment. They were left in peace for one of the few times in the semester. No roommates to interrupt. No homework to take away their attention. Nothing but time to kill gushing about how beautiful the sky above them became at night.

Could he scoot closer? Would Shiro notice? He could spend the rest of the night cuddled up against him if he went for it and Shiro let him. But what if Shiro rejected him. Would that make things weird? Shiro would probably just take them home then and there. 

Did that really matter though? It was not as if Shiro was going to be here in a few weeks time. The semester was ending. Shiro would be gone and off to his new school. They would probably never see each other again. If Shiro cut their time short, would there really be a difference? At least Keith would be able to satisfy the need he had to be closer to his friend. 

He had to indulge himself. If not, he would just think about it until his circular thought on the matter unscrewed his head right off his shoulders.

Keith shifted closer, attempting to make a home for himself in between Shiro’s arm and chest, hoping that Shiro would catch the hint and move it to pull him closer. Though, Keith could admit that that was more than wishful thinking.

“Are you cold? I can give you my jacket.”

“No, no. It’s okay. This is enough.” Moving into a more comfortable position, he laid his head onto Shiro’s shoulder, welcoming the arm that came behind him, letting him stay close to his friend. He relaxed into the contact, leaning the side of his head onto the other man, eyes focused on the facial features he adorned. It was not everyday that he got to witness Shiro so relaxed, so content, as if this was what the world had meant for the two of them, to be cuddled up and gazing at the wonders of space all night. 

Yet, something was off. It was so small, so miniscule that it should have no effect on the situation at all. But, of course Keith had to be picky when it came to Shiro. He inhaled strongly once more, burying his nose more into his friend. Yep. Definitely different. “Are you wearing cologne?”

“I–Me?”

“Yes, you. I don’t see anyone else here.”

“I, um, yeah I am. Is it bad?”

“No. Just different. I think… I think I like normal you better though. I wouldn’t steal all your clothes if I didn’t.” He stiffened, the realization of what had just come out of his mouth sinking in. “I didn’t—I mean, fuck. I’m not trying to be weird. I just, you relax me. That’s all.”

Shiro’s free hand cupped Keith’s face, thumb stroking the other man’s face absentmindedly as he moved his head to face him. “Keith. It’s okay. It wasn’t weird. Even if it was, you’re cute. So, it’s okay.”

Keith’s eyes dropped to Shiro’s lips, the same ones almost ghosting his own. It would only take one small push to seal the gap. He could do it. He could lean forward and do what he had wanted to for over a year. 

His heart ran into overdrive. Any faster and the damn thing might as well of popped right out of his chest. He could kiss Shiro. He could make it, so even if all else failed, he would still have a memory of him and Shiro locking lips and just maybe a little more. 

The same fond look came over Shiro’s features. Eyes softening and lips in an relaxed smile.

He wished he could see that look everyday and every moment. Shiro deserved it. He deserved a break from the hardship of life. Keith had suffered throughout his years, but so had Shiro. The loss of a twin brother resulting in PTSD and a car accident leaving him with the need for a prosthetic arm was nothing near easy, but if Shiro could keep making it through, so could Keith. Especially if Shiro was right there with him.

Except he would not be. In fact, Shiro would be far, far away. Especially considering the circumstances of Keith not only not having a car but not having spare money for visits. 

If anything, he could have this night. Shiro was his for tonight, and if that was all he could have, then that was okay.

“I’m going to get us some water, okay? I’ll be right back. It’s in the backseat.” Shiro removed himself from his spot with Keith. Sliding down the rest of the truck bed, he hopped off the metal in question and stepped out of Keith’s view.

Everything seemed so much colder.

Shiro came back around, a singular water bottle in hand. Keith moved to his feet, traveling over to where the truck bed ended and offered Shiro his hand. 

In retrospect, both of them should have thought this through. It was a small action, but one that would have benefited from a little bit of planning, because moments later, Keith was on his back, Shiro on top of him, weight simultaneously pleasurable and uncomfortable. He wrapped his arms around the other man’s body and let out a laugh alongside him. 

“Did you at least get the water up here?” Keith asked lightheartedly.

Shiro rolled himself onto his back, freeing Keith from his larger weight. “Yeah.” He held up the plastic. “But I forgot to restock the water I keep, so there’s only one. We can share.”

Keith sat up, placing his legs to either side of Shiro’s waist and planting his hands on the muscular chest beneath him. Absentmindedly stroking his right hand across his new balance tool, he spoke, “So, can I have it?”

No response. Shiro’s eyes just seemed to stick to him, unmoving. 

“Shiro?”

“I, I… yeah.” Shiro handed the the water bottle over to him.

Keith took the object from Shiro’s hand. As he directed his gaze to open the bottle, he caught something from the corner of his eye.

Had Shiro really just been biting his lip while his eyes made a clear path over Keith’s form? There was no way that had just happened. He was seeing things. Shiro was  _ not _ checking him out. He was convincing himself of the impossible again.

He took a sip from the beverage he had been handed, and it occurred to him. This was not the most innocent arrangement. He must of made Shiro uncomfortable with his sudden move into such a suggestive position. No wonder Shiro bit his lip when he had literally just  _ straddled _ him.

Quickly, he moved off of Shiro, making himself his own spot on the truck bed. “I’m sorry!”

“I, um, I, it’s, um no, it’s okay.” Shiro sputtered out.

He moved himself back into a more relaxed position, surrounding himself with the blankets and pillows Shiro had previously laid out for them. Purple eyes focused back onto the stars above him. He had probably just ruined any chances of being able to get close to Shiro for the night, and forever, but at least there was no way he could change the view above him.

A silence fell between them, the chirp of crickets becoming a solid reminder that time still passed as the night went on.

“Hey Keith, say cheese!” 

He turned his head without missing a beat, arm flying in front of his face as a horrid flash of light targeted him. “Hey! No photos. I look like shit.”

“You’re always cute to me.” Shiro countered, readying his phone for another photo. 

“No!” Keith lunged toward Shiro, hand reaching for the other man’s phone. Succeeding in his attempt to capture the object, he rolled over to the other side of the bed of the truck. Tucking the phone to his chest, he kept himself facing the metal and blankets, shielding the stolen communication device from his friend’s grasp. Hands came around his body, pulling him off the surface he had attempted to secure himself against and pressing his back against Shiro’s chest as Shiro attempted to take back his property. Shiro leaned back onto his heels, keeping Keith with him, the younger man anchored against his body as he shifted in Shiro’s lap. In desperation of winning the mock fight the two had begun, Keith shoved the device into his shirt, silently daring his friend to reach into it. 

“Give it back.”

“Go get it.”

“You gave me permission,” Shiro reminded as his left hand dove under the fabric, brushing against large scars and pushing up the article of clothing as he attempted to retrieve the phone.

Squirming in the other man’s lap, he attempted to break free of the grasp, only for the arm that fastened him against Shiro’s body to pull him even closer. Multitudes of failed efforts to take back the stolen property proved Shiro’s current idea worthless. Pushing Keith back towards the blankets he had laid out earlier, he kept his friend flush against him to make room for his wandering hand. 

Pushing back against him, Keith attempted to slip out of Shiro’s grip once more. Though, the endeavors were in vain, as he was flipped onto his back, Shiro’s hands pinning him to the surface beneath them. He tried to break free from the hold once, then a second time before resigning to the fact he had been beaten. Moving his hands away, he released the phone, eyes unmoving from the face so close to his. Shiro’s breath tickled his skin as the brown eyes gazing back at him refused to move as well. Shiro’s hands no longer reached for the prized object as he continued to keep Keith against the metal beneath them.  Moving his now free palms, he moved them against Shiro’s arms, slowly easing them under the jacket covering his body to rest them onto his back.

He would never get another moment like this one. Never again would him and Shiro know something like this, a time where they could just stay close to one another without the need for a word. Shiro was going to leave, he would probably never see him again, and if he did, it would not be the way they were right now. 

If he ever had a chance to make this memory, to burn something, anything into his brain that involved the two of them together, this was it. No other movement would serve the same purpose. It was either now or never. He leaned his head upwards, neck extending to seal the gap that remained between them. 

It was short lived.

Shiro pulled himself back, eyes wide and peering down at Keith in shock. Not a word was said, just brown eyes attempting to understand what had just happened between them.

Of course. He had read everything wrong. Shiro had no feelings for him that were not friendship. He had single-handedly destroyed any possibility of Shiro ever talking to him after this night. It was over. Done. Their time together had just ended forever in the one swift fuck up that Keith had insisted on going through with.

Keith moved to raise himself. There was no reason to stay. He could call an Uber. It was beginning to seem as if that was the destined outcome for all of their interactions these days anyway. 

A pair of lips pressed against his, harder than he had originally initiated. It was as if the other person involved had been holding themselves back, and the floodgates had just been opened.

In fact, that was exactly what it was. 

Hands explored the frames of each other’s bodies, shedding clothes in the process. Exposed skin fell victim to wandering hands, the press of lips joining in as the situation led further and further in the direction they had both silently hoped for. 

He was lost in his own actions. The way Shiro’s hands found every part of his exterior, the way Shiro’s lips found his own over and over again, the way Shiro’s mouth worked magic on him no matter which part he had managed to get it on. There was no attempt to silence himself, no attempt to keep up an appearance, no thought to anything but how that same mouth pressed kisses to his thighs and focused between his legs until he came undone.

Yet, all he could process was the immense burning want that still coursed through his system, screaming for more of everything. More of Shiro.

There was another moment, words fell from Shiro’s mouth, gentle ones asking for permission. Words to let Keith know his wants and comfort mattered too. Words to know what they were doing next.

He would have never thought he would spend tonight getting every physical thing his body had pleaded for from Shiro. Or that he would end up on his back and vulnerable for someone that he had not even had a single date with. Missionary was nothing but exposing himself further, yet, Shiro gave him the peace he required to relax, to spend his time only focusing on how he felt in the moment.

He wanted to sear it all into his mind, make it something that he would be able to recall this vividly for the rest of his life.

When they had both reached their end, it all fell into place.

This would be one of the last times they would see one another. Shiro was  _ leaving _ . He was going to ride out the rest of his semester, and once graduation struck, he would be off to his new school, new friends, new Keith. 

There would be another one of him. He was not special. He was just a guy who was struck with an unlucky hammer a few too many times. Shiro would find another person just like him. No, better than him. Shiro would find someone without the baggage, without the brick walls that surrounded his interior. It was a fact. 

Who even knew if Shiro would remember him? Maybe this was all just a stress fuck. Banging out new school jitters before officially leaving.

Or, maybe this had just been the plan all along. Keith was nothing but just another lay, another moment to forget about life for a little. In fact, maybe that was the most logical. 

Shiro would forget him. It was inevitable. 

He could beg, plead, but in the end, Shiro would be gone. Keith would be alone. He had stupidly let himself fall for a man that he would never be able to have. Tonight would just be a memory, a moment where he let himself act on his impulses. It would never truly mean anything between them, and to Keith, it would do nothing but remind him of just how pathetic he was. He had let his heart get the best of him.

Shiro was still leaving, no matter what Keith did. He could sleep with Shiro a hundred more times tonight, offer him an undying devotion, yet the outcome would always be the same. 

And it  _ hurt _ .

“Keith?” Shiro’s voice drug him out of his self-pitying thoughts.

Purple eyes gazed at the man above him.

“You’re crying.” Shiro’s hands started to touch Keith’s face semi-frantically. “Are you alright? Did I hurt you?”

“I…” His voice cracked as he continued, “No. I’m fine. It was good.”

“Are you sure?” Concern dripped from Shiro’s tone and face. When Keith answered with only a nod, Shiro still spoke, “Then what’s wrong?”

“Nothing. I’m okay.” Keith lied.

“I messed things up, didn’t I?” Shiro separated himself from Keith. “I’m sorry. I read things wrong… I thought—”

“No, that was right. I wanted to too.”

“I—”

“No matter what I do, you’re leaving.”

“Keith…” Shiro reached to pull him closer. “I don’t want to leave you.”

“But you are! You’re still going there and leaving!” He pushed his palm into his eye, smearing the wetness across his cheek.

“I told you I don’t want this to be the reason we can’t be friends.”

“How can I have you in my life if you’re moving hours away, and I can barely pay for my basic necessities?! I don’t have a car, I’m struggling to keep my grades up half the time, I don’t even have family to go back and lean on! The whole reason I even came back to school was because of you, and now you’re just leaving!”

If their actions from before had been an opening of floodgates, then the whole dam had just been destroyed. There was no stopping it now, his eyes were watering, salty tears rolling down his face as he verbally released his emotions.

“You knew I was graduating soon. If it was just me that you wanted, why did you enroll again?” 

“Because I like you!” Keith shouted, confessing the underlying motivations of his actions.

Brown eyes grew wide, jaw dropping slightly as the words hit Shiro’s ears.

“I’ll… I’ll just go.” Keith reached for his pants, only to be stopped by a hand on his wrist. 

“I like you too.” Shiro said softly.

He froze. The words repeating in his head several times before finally processing. Did Shiro really say those words? No. He must have misheard. There was no way Shiro felt the same way about him. No way that Shiro had just  _ confessed _ to him.

“I’ve liked you for a while.” Shiro added, “I know you’ve been in a rough patch ever since what happened to your dad, and you needed to heal, so I didn’t want to push anything on you. I felt like I was taking advantage of you if I did.”

“No. You’re lying. You just want me to stop crying.” Keith deflected. There was no way he would let himself get caught in something like this. He was not worthy of Shiro’s feelings. There was no way Shiro’s feelings existed.

“Keith, it’s true. I’ve liked you for a long time. All I ever wanted was to see you pick yourself back up and find yourself on your feet again. If my feelings weren’t a part of that, then I was okay with it.”

He pushed his hand into his eyes, wiping away the wetness and feebly trying to pull himself together. 

Shiro’s hand came up to Keith’s face. Rubbing his thumb across the other man’s cheek, he let Keith relax into it. “Can I hold you?”

Keith nodded, and without another word let himself resign to a position in Shiro’s arms. He focused his attention on breathing. Each one in and out, slowly and deeply. He let his mind mellow, letting it remind himself that he was okay. Shiro was here. If anything was to come of this at all, at least he had Shiro for the moment.

Yet, it did not change the fact Shiro would be gone soon. In the end, Shiro would leave, and Keith would have just gotten his heart ripped out worse than he had anticipated.

“You’re still leaving, aren’t you?”

“The school, yes. But not you.”

“It’s hours away. I don’t have a car. Once you graduate, you’re gone.”

Shiro’s fingers carded through Keith’s hair. “Yes, it’s far away, but I meant what I said. I do like you a lot, and if you want to, I want to make this work.”

“Long distance?” Keith asked, although the answer was obvious.

“Yes, but I want to set up a schedule to visit you. I wanted to even if we didn’t like each other.” Shiro shifted them both, moving to lie on the blankets that covered the metal of the bed of the truck. “Is there anything you want to propose? I don’t want to stress you out by not leaving you enough time to study, because school comes first.”

“You sound like a dad.”

“Yes Keith, that’s exactly what I want to hear you say after we just had sex.”

“You don’t know what I’m into.” Keith joked. When Shiro flashed him a look, he added onto it, “It was a joke.”

“I’m serious Keith. I want to know that I’ll be able to see you often after I leave. You’re important to me.”

Keith curled closer into the warmth of Shiro’s body. He reached over for a stray blanket that had not yet been pinned down by their joint weight, pulling it over the both of them. “How is every other weekend for now? It gives us both time to study and socialize outside of each other.”

“I like that.” Shiro pulled him closer, letting Keith’s head lay on his shoulder as they let the sounds of the night lull them into a sense of tranquility. 

Keith rubbed at his eyes once more, the episode of tears that had disrupted his night still finding their way to continue ruining his positive moments with complications. It had been months since he had let himself fall victim to the pains of excessive emotions. In fact, the last time he was in the beginning of the semester, fresh from the pain of putting his life back together single handedly. 

“So, what does this make us?” Shiro asked the question suddenly, as if he had been pondering it throughout their prolonged silence.

“Does it matter? All I want to know is that I’m yours and you’re mine right now.” Keith replied, pressing himself closer to Shiro.

“Fair enough. I’m yours. I promise.” Shiro pressed a kiss to Keith’s forehead. “Are you alright? You keep touching your eyes.”

“They hurt from the crying…” Keith admitted softly, turning his face into Shiro slightly. It was pathetic, the last time Shiro had seen him cry had been when he had received the phone call that his dad had passed away. He had made a point to make such matters a private moment, something no one else was meant to see. Yet, here he was showing the same side of himself again over something as small as Shiro leaving him to go to another school.

“Is there anything that helps?” 

“Usually I just put a wet rag on my eyes and take a nap.”

Shiro sat up, grabbing his shirt from nearby in one hand, and a water bottle in the other. He leaned over the side of the truck bed, dousing the fabric in the liquid before wringing it out for Keith to use. “Here, try this.”

Keith took the damp article of clothing from him. “It works best when I sleep.”

“Then sleep. I’ll still be here. I promise.”

He settled himself back into the warmth Shiro provided, attempting to take the blanket from before with him. 

“Cold?”

“More like afraid of these mosquitos. If I have a bite on my ass, it’s your fault.”

“Fine, fine. I’ll take responsibility for it.”

“Good.” Keith settled in closer, folding and placing the wet shirt onto his eyes before letting the rhythm of Shiro’s heartbeat lull him into a much needed sleep.

* * *

Keith pressed his palm into his eye, rubbing with the corner of it. Forcing his eyes open, he glanced around to pinpoint his surroundings. Letting his eyes have a moment to adjust to the darkness of the room, everything came to him. He was in Shiro’s room, Shiro’s bed, cuddled up with his new partner under the same bed he had never yet had a chance to share.

The large lights from the quad shone through the window, dimly illuminating the room, casting shadows on Shiro’s face. He wanted to memorize the outlines, dips, and curves. Maybe, just maybe, one day he could find himself waking next to such an beautiful sight every morning. But, for now, this one moment was okay. There would be more to come. He had Shiro, he had his number, had his word. That was all that he needed now. There would be more time to share with him, more time to create new memories and moments for just the two of them.

He shifted closer, moving to bring himself in a more comfortable position. Yet, despite his efforts to keep Shiro in his state of peace, brown eyes opened slowly, looking around to assure himself that Keith was beside him. “Everything alright?”

“Yeah. I just woke up. Go back to sleep.”

“Are your eyes better?”

“Mhm.” Keith answered with a nod.

“Promise me you’ll try and get back to sleep soon too.”

“I will.” Keith pressed a kiss to Shiro’s lips, then buried himself back into the warmth Shiro’s body created under the sheets and comforter. 

Shiro’s lips curled into a soft smile, letting his eyes fall shut as Keith cuddled up to him.

He would be okay. He still had a long way to go until life was where he wanted it to be, but as of now, it seemed to be falling into place. Shiro had promised him he would stay, and there he was, right next to Keith when he risen. 

They had more time, more moments to come. He was sure of it. He had started the day not even speaking to the man next to him but ended it with the boyfriend he had always wanted.

Boyfriend. That word sounded nice.

**Author's Note:**

> I really enjoyed this big bang and getting to work with such an amazing artist for it. Please go check out [cinnamonrollusagi](http://www.cinnamonrollusagi.tumblr.com/), because she's super talented!


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